


“Tonight, I’ll send you the firefly from that day to your window”

by theseasvoice



Category: Grisha Trilogy, Shadow and Bone, alarkling - Fandom
Genre: Don't worry, F/M, I'm Bad At Summaries, One-Shot, also I'm sorry for any mistake, and others that I created, english isn't my first language, it has some parts that are canon compliant, others that aren't, someone dies but they come back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:40:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23908621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theseasvoice/pseuds/theseasvoice
Summary: Alina and the Darkling had more skype calls - or connections, as you wish - than those that appeared in the books. It also mentions a certain ending of a certain book *coughs* Ruin and Rising *coughs. But! Some time has passed, and a few things have changed for Alina. And perhaps she realises she isn't where she was supposed to be.
Relationships: Alina x Darkling, alina x aleksander - Relationship, past alina x mal
Comments: 2
Kudos: 38





	“Tonight, I’ll send you the firefly from that day to your window”

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from a song by IU - Through the Night.  
> I don't own any character - they are all Leigh Bardugo's property. The original story - from which this one-shot was inspired by - is also hers.  
> As I mentioned in the tags, English isn't my first language. I'm sorry for any mistake.

On her collarbone, he traced the skeleton of the future, the emptiness of a past lived without her. Dreams rested on her eyelids, on the curve of her lips. He quickly casted his eyes to the darkness that danced around him; he could feel it moving around his finger, tracing the memories of a past that burned him. He couldn’t give himself to these thoughts, for they weakened him. He could say that he feared that his sun was used against him, explored as his weakness and his gravity, but that would not be the whole truth. What he truly feared was what his Sankta did to his heart.  
As the sun stretched out his arms and tried to devour everything under it, Aleksander returned to his place, not waiting to see Alina waking up. He knew there wasn’t a logical explanation for why he kept appearing to her; the necessity just came from a place of loneliness. A place that she, too, lived in.

When she opened her eyes, she felt her chest tightening when she noticed how solid his absence was. She summoned all her will to kill those thoughts off; he was the enemy, and yet she kept being betrayed by something that could not be named. Her brain kept thinking she had to find Mal, talk to him, but her fingers longed to touch on Aleksander's jawline; her lips longed to murmur words to him that only the darkness could hear. She wished to invent new words for him, for them.  
She closed her eyes in order to get rid of those thoughts. She couldn't have them; everyone expected something from her, but no one wanted those thoughts. They were the forbidden apple that she could only dream of biting.  
What was he trying to do to her with his apparitions? To madden her? To make her crazy? And if that was true, then why did she stop feeling like that? Alina was never who she was supposed to be - she was not enough for Mal when growing up, she was not a good cartographer. And now she was not nearly infuriated as she should be - instead, she longed for the sight of him. For the comfort it brought to her. And that scared her.  
Casting the image of him off her head, Alina left her chambers.

* * *

The night sky was a living tapestry full of stars; Alina could not stop looking at it, even though she was in the middle of a war. She tried to connect them, to form different images; but all she did was writing his name.

  
"When I was younger, many years ago," - he chuckled at that - "all I wanted was to live there, among the stars. But then I saw fireflies, and my wish changed - I wanted to live among them, for they were here, while the stars were far away. They brought light to the darkness that circled my fingers." Alina looked at him. He was focused on her; his grey eyes seemed to murmur secrets that Alina couldn't hear. They were supposed to be enemies - they _were_ enemies. In the following days, one of them would have to die. However, at that moment, they were just Aleksander and Alina. One of them burdened with an ancient soul that was looking at the future; the other burdened with a young heart that kept looking behind.

  
"And now? Will you say you have me?" She tried to joke, but there was a sourness that was within the question. She knew he had waited years for her - for her power, she corrected, not her. He wanted the sun. She wanted him to want the humanness that she carried, she realised with some horror.

  
"I never thought I’d say this. I spent years immersed in silence. I wanted, somehow, to escape it. To escape my childhood, that had to be wordless. To escape all the masks I had to put on. Now, all I want is it. Now, it is a different silence."

  
Alina absorbed his words. She let her blood memorise them. "And what is your silence now, Aleksander?"

  
He closed his eyes, and the ghost of a sincere smile had worlds within it. Alina wished she could burn it on her soul. "A prayer," he murmured to the cold night.

  
Whatever she was expecting, it was not definitely that answer. Alina tried to cover the confusion that casted a shadow on her face, but the Darkling had seen it.

His smile disappeared. His expression looked sombre. Whatever his silence was to him now, it was not something he had fully accepted. It was as if he woke up every morning and searched for it to see if it had changed.

  
"Aleksander," his name rolled out of her lips to bring his attention back to the present, "a prayer to whom?"

  
"To you. Every prayer is for you. You own my silence, Alina."

* * *

As the dawn started to open his eyes, Aleksander wished he could stop time. Something inside of him wanted to put an end to this. The Darkling chose not to listen to it, and proceeded with his plans. He had to win if he wanted the vision he had for all Grisha to become reality. He could not follow his other wishes. Alina had chosen Mal – he couldn’t understand why the thought of them together enraged him. But, whatever the outcome of the battle would be, it would not change the fact that Alina had chosen Mal, and not him. Now he just had to find out if he would have to live with that knowledge or let his death bring him oblivion.

* * *

As the knife kept taking his life into the unknown, Aleksander couldn't stop the words from coming out of his mouth and begged for Alina to say his name. Perhaps she did not know the meaning of it; he wasn't sure of it too. But she said it, and he knew that it did not matter that he was dying, his name would always belong to her.

  
"Please, take my name with you." Aleksander pleaded. The translation of it haunted them - it meant 'please, take my heart with you'.

Alina lost herself in the grey pool of his eyes. "Always," she whispered, a secret that belonged only to them.

"I've always seen you, Alina. I am not talking about your power, but you. Always. I recognised you." Aleksander breathed for one last time before saying "may we find each other again in a field full of fireflies."

The last thing he felt was the sacredness of Alina's tears.

* * *

Time took everyone as his prisoner; Time moulded entire generations, time was an architect. Man thought he could control Time, but Time was in control of everything, including Man. Time witnessed everything. It witnessed the formation of the universe, of each galaxy; it also witnessed the precise moment when two people fell in love with each other, and when they fell out of love. Time knew almost everything - when Aleksander came back from the dead, Time found out that he, too, still had a few things to learn.  
As the sun was starting to fall asleep, the leaves began to sing an ancient song, one that explained how everything should be made with love, from love. A shadowy blanket covered the sky, and soon enough the stars were singing alongside the leaves. The moon was bright, and she smiled like a child who kept a secret in her pocket.  
There was someone moving and carrying hope within her, her identity being discovered through her silvery-white hair, that was, for him, as dazzling as the moon herself.  
She stopped to catch her breath and to take in her surroundings. It was a chilly night that was warmed by all the dots of light that were dancing in the air. As she moved towards her true destiny, she reflected on how she ended up there.

_"I thought I was enough for you, even though you had lost your power." Alina heard the accusation in Mal's voice. He was enough - she knew that. But he was not the 'enough' she wanted. Even if she had her power back - and how she dreamed of it -, it wouldn't be enough for her. Alina could not explain Mal that she was not being driven by ambition, nor by the mourning of the light that used to live within her._

_  
She wanted her other light. A light made of darkness._

_  
"You are enough, Mal. Things are just different. You're the 'enough' someone wants-"_

_  
"Anyone but you, right, Alina?" Mal interrupted her. Her silence was the answer he was seeking._

_"Where are you going? Can I at least know that?"_

_  
Alina's heart recoiled when she saw the hurt in his eyes. For many years, she longed to be with him. Even when everything changed, she clung to what was familiar - even if the familiar was a love covered in dust and ready to be left in a box. She had needed it. When all that enclosed her was made of the unknown, having something familiar living in her blood comforted her.  
But now she knew herself better. And she couldn't keep excusing her behaviour - she couldn't keep her and Mal trapped into something that was now made of dust and memories that belonged to the past._

_  
"I'm going to where I belong._

When she spotted him, she did not run towards him. She walked calmly, taking in his form, all that made him unique – she was afraid it could be a dream, and he would disappear as soon as she touched him.  
However, his smile turned her fears into oblivion. And when she got there, she touched his skin, trying to memorise how it felt under her hands.

"You're here," she mumbled, with tears in her eyes.

"I told you we were going to meet again in a field full of fireflies."

  
Before she could say anything else, his lips touched hers. And, to Alina, it was as if she had found the missing piece of the puzzle. Everything made sense to her. He tasted like stardust, comfort, certainty. Belonging.  
When their lips grew apart, Alina knew she wouldn't want to be anywhere else again. Not without him. But there was a question beneath her tongue, and it longed to escape. "Does this mean you've given up your dreams of domination?"

  
Aleks chuckled. "I only wanted to improve the system. No, I don't think I'll ever be able to let that go." When he saw her smile faltering, he quickly added, "but nothing is the same anymore. You're here. You are my strongest desire, my strongest love. Nothing else will come first again. I learnt my lesson".

  
Alina wanted to laugh, to dance, to lay on the grass. Her happiness should be witnessed by the moon, by the stars. Instead of that, she simply said, "Alina. Can you repeat my name, please?"

Aleksander was confused, but he did as he was told. "Alina."

"Now my name is yours. And your name is mine. And we are surrounded by fireflies."

Aleksander felt as if he was about to combust. He never felt happier. He never felt more himself than that moment. "I have something more valuable than fireflies. I have _you_. Do you want to walk alongside me?"

Alina grabbed his left hand, and she kissed it. "Always."


End file.
